Just me

All my life
I thought I knew everything about myself
I thought I could hide
The things I didn't like
Thought it was better to be someone else

I pushed aside
What I thought was holding me down
But I was wrong
It was me all along
You were the one to show me how

It was tough at first

tried to resist it

tried to play the same old part

you wasn't with it

tried to act like i knew

but you knew better

and I swear I'll never forget ya

if i live
to be a hundred and ten
i'd do it all over again
if one day
I gotta say goodbye to you
baby it could never undo
if this life
tells us that we gotta part
just know that you got my heart
cuz you let me be
just me, just me

Now I try
to be myself in everything i do
say how i feel
and keep it real
cuz when I do no way can i disappoint you

I tried to hide
you taught me how to seek
I tried to cover up
You showed the underneath
I was stubborn
but I guess I taught you patience
And I thank you for waiting

if i live
to be a hundred and ten

i'd do it all over again

if one day  

I gotta say goodbye to you

baby it could never undo

if this life

tells us that we gotta part

just know that you got my heart

cuz you let me be

just me, just me

I tried so hard to be perfect
but what i didn't see
perfect was there all along
because i'm always perfect at being imperfectly me

if i live

to be a hundred and ten 

i'd do it all over again

if one day  

I gotta say goodbye to you

baby it could never undo

if this life

tells us that we gotta part

just know that you got my heart

cuz you let me be

just me, just me

Strange Love

Every word misspoken
Every promise broken
Times where I thought I had failed myself
They say love yourself
And all will be right
happy, bright
but it's a strange, strange love

You say you're gonna win
until you do it again
why can't you love yourself right
be happy, be bright
it will all be alright
when you find that strange, strange love

read all the books
and stop in the mirror
look at yourself
while your turnin around
they say you're not happy
well how could you be
when your smile looks more like a frown
don't you know that strange, strange love
can turn it all around?

if we were meant to know
i guess we'd never grow
you hope it doesn't haunt your whole life
so be happy, be bright
you're doin alright
keep chasin that strange, strange love

Upon The Wind

On my branch I clung real tight
in hopes that i might stay
My twig it started seperatin'
I feared I'd drift away
Oh where would the wild wind blow me?
How far off would I stray?
I didn't wanna leave
But it had to be this way

The wind it took me up so high

I thought I'd never fall

And times I fell so low 

I thought I'd finally seen it all

My tree it gave me safety
From the pourin rain and thunder
But now I've grown too big for it
And was therefore torn asunder

A little leaf upon the wind
Like a grain upon the sand
may seem so awfully small
when you take the world at hand
and though I fly upon the wind
sometimes unable to see
I must never forget that one leaf
has what it takes to become a tree

Perfect

from crooked to straight
now it's perfect
we appreciate
because it's perfect
but perhaps it was more beautiful
when it was not quite right before
you move it to the left
not satisfied
you move it to the right
and still you find
it still is not where you want it to be

so you fix it til it's perfect
but now do you observe it?
do you notice it as you pass on by?
no longer, now it's perfect
it needs no further work
it has become no matter now
but now it's perfect.

The Dream

The roar of the crowd dulled down to an anticipatory silence. You could feel the impatience hang in the air like the smoke of the city hangs motionless in a summer heat wave. She stepped up to the microphone and at first, it seemed the room was bare; but once she strained her eyes past the spotlights she could see thousands of faces peering up at her in amazement, their eyes fixed, their ears open. They were intently listening for that note they knew so well, for the drum beat that would send their souls spinning and make the hair on the back of their neck stand in sweet satisfaction. She was ready. She had been practicing all day. Going over it in her head in order to preserve her voice, making sure it was beautiful, emotional, perfect. She drew in a breath as the band took their places, she knew she had to start everything. Her first notes were A Capella and they had to be dead on. No pitch pipe, no reminder, just the mastery of her mind. Her pulse quickened and her cheeks began to twitch as they always did when she was nervous, but she appeared calm and collected as her heart jumped waiting to be released. She didn't know what was going to happen next, her two feet seemed cemented to the stage. She needed to let go to be set free. To release the moment and become fearless. And as she exhaled the note washed over the entire stage spilling over the audience and as it hit their ears they stood and cheered. It was their favorite song.

What is beauty?

is it natural
or is it created
are we born with it
or do we develop it
can it be all these things?


questions to ponder for the day

carpe diem

seize the day
hold it in your hands
like a piece of clay
mold every minute
they tick away
never to be had again

so quickly the clock spins
while all day we wait
lament our former sins
and tremble at our fate
but oh this minute
is never to be had again

some melodies just drive you insane until you put the words to them

I'm more likely to remember you by lyrics
than by what you said
sometimes I'd rather watch a movie 
Than go out and party instead
Some days I feel like a mess
And I want to hide away
Some days I feel like a princess
And everythings ok

You wanna know about me?
Sometimes I laugh too loud
But I'll do my best to make you laugh louder
You wanna know about me?
I'm not just black and white
I'm every shade inbetween and every color

I forget at least one thing a day
My purse, my keys, my coat, my way
Don't ask directions I'm probably lost myself
But I'll remember your favorite song
And yes I'll dance all night long
in heels no less, and a dress
and I'll be singing all the way home

You wanna know about me?
sometimes the rain falls hard on me
but I let my smile always be my umbrella
You wanna know about me?
I hate romantic movies
but still dream of that handsome charming fella

Sometimes I'm wrong
I make mistakes
Still not sure how to play the game
I just want to be myself

Some days are bad but most are good
My heart is big
and if I could
I'd sing my heart out
Every single day

You wanna know about me?
Well if you have a moment
Let me show you things that you didn't see 
You wanna know about me?
The ride is never boring
so buckle up and take a ride with me

So buckle up
I'm gonna set you free...

Hair

Tight curls knotted underneath
from the weight and scorching heat
get flattened on the oppressive plates
or fried in stinking liquid fates
long and glossy
watch it move
evoking words like "silky smooth"
born from tangled nappy messes
know we have our lovely tresses
so thank you Motions and Ogilvie
you've delivered us from cruelty
from afro puffs and kinky twists
not here, no nappiness exists
just glue it, fuse it, braid it in
and let the pain begin
we rose with slavery upon or backs
only to be a slave to tracks

The Google Art Project

The Google Art Project is this great new idea that Google has launched that allows you to tour and view artwork in museums and galleries around the world. You can walk through them as if you were really there or zoom in to see Van Gogh's brush strokes. I will be looking at many of the pieces here and any interesting ones I find I'd like to include in this blog, I encourage you all to take a look!

The Beginning

"Mommy, why don't I look like you?" the girl looked up at her mother with a puzzling look as if she had just discovered the phenomenon. "Honey, you look just like me, see." Her mother held her up to the mirror and brushed away her tangled curls. She pressed her cheek up against her daughters, as if the closer she got the more apparent the similarities would be. "You have my nose, and we have the same cheeks" pinching the girls cheeks, she evoked a stubborn grin. "And look, you even have my smile." The little girl's grin soon wilted into frustration for she was not satisfied with her mother's evidence. "No mommy, I have swirly hair. You have hair like my Barbie" Now her mother saw that her five year old was asking a much more complicated question. She understood she was different, the way a green apple sticks out in a basket of red ones. The little girl had not been exposed to many biracial children, at least not in a way that she could grasp at such a young age. She herself was not aware of her own mixed heritage. At five brown is brown, no matter how it got that way. She understood that babies came from mommy and daddy, but to explain the genetics involved in the baby's appearance to a five year old would be futile. So her mother pacified her with her usual answers until she was old enough to understand how. Of course, this question could not be answered by the simple fact that white mixed with black makes brown. It didn't explain why she felt different and why that difference felt wrong.

In Between

I am caught 

Somewhere between polo shirts

And white t's

between dinner parties

and backyard barbecues

But those things are common

I am caught

Somewhere between french braids

and cornrows

between Frank Sinatra

and Tupac Shakur

But those things are trivial

I am caught

Somewhere between affirmative action

and negative reaction

between your curiosity

and your accusation

But those things are questionable

I am caught

between not enough

and just enough

between your love

and your fear

But those things are imaginary

So why then, would I feel offense?

I am in between

When you speak ill of my brothers and sisters

Surely you don't mean me,

only those who look like me